Song & Dance of a 3-Time Cancer Survivor
Act 6
BEST CANCER TO HAVE!
To cover up possible misjudgements by his colleagues, the consultant desperately tries to make light of the heroine's predicament. Medical staff launch into a distracting song-and-dance routine, but if they convince anyone it's only themselves.
Smiling surgeon drops the bombshell !!!
Believing her stay in hospital had been to remove what was a benign lump, the heroine went to her follow-up appointment totally unprepared for the devastating news!
In the Consultant's Room
The Surgeon can be played in two different ways:
1. As the continuation of Mister Dracula in Act 2, tall dark and handsome, the taciturn A-Man-With-No-Name.
2. A comedian, as this section has the 'aside to audience' feature.
(Heroine walks into the Consultant's room, quite relaxed)
Heroine: (aside to audience) I assume this to be a routine appointment – probably just to tell me the benign lump has been removed successfully, as everyone here assured me that it was definitely not cancer.
(Heroine sits down in front of the Consultant Surgeon)
Consultant Surgeon:
(1. Very hesitatingly, with a sheepish grin; or
2. Bit like a pompous, devious, waffling politician)
Well, what a surprise!
It's not… at all…as we thought.
But, the news . . . is . . . in a way . . . good.
(Aside to audience) Relatively speaking.
(To the Heroine) The tumour … eh… cancer…
Heroine: (gaspingly) t u m o u r … cancer !!!!!!?
Consultant Surgeon:
(Aside to audience) She's not happy, eh…
(To the Heroine; with increasing, barely controlled, excitement)
It's no ordinary type,
in fact, it's, interestingly rare!
Really rather . . . special.
Heroine: (wide-eyed)
Special ?!
Chorus: (Latin chant – Carcinoma chanting)
It's…bro-ma…co-ma…li-o-ma…ro-ma…to-ma…sar-co-ma…car-ci-no-ma
(Shrinking reaction by heroine to this scary chant)
Consultant Surgeon:
It just means that the cells, kind of, stick together –
(Aside to audience) keeps them out of mischief!
(To the Heroine, in a 'trust-me' kind of voice)
It's The Best Cancer To Have !!!!!!
A sudden change into a song-and-dance celebration:
DOCTORS AND NURSES SING AND DANCE
Celebrations !!!
Doctors sing!
Nurses dance!
Doctors and nurses sing & dance!!!
(Enter into doctors & nurses singing and dancing, celebrating with champagne, while Heroine stays still and bewildered, nurses kicking their legs – a mixture of cancan and ballroom dancing… Everyone except the heroine mimes drinking or uses props such as those unbreakable glasses or beer tumblers made of soft transparent rubber-like material, that one cannot really put liquid in as the shape will change, but the flexibility of these props might be used for comical effect – thus showing 'Doctors and Nurses Sing and Dance' is an unreal and tipsy world.)
Chorus:
(Aside to audience) As malignancies go it's a great one.
(To the Heroine) It's a first-rate one, lucky you!
(Aside to audience) As malignancies go it's a stunner,
(To the Heroine) A front-runner, that's true!
Consultant Surgeon:
(Aside to audience) The news is good, or could be worse, much worse,
(To the Heroine) Ideal disease, specially chosen –
Best cancer to have.
Chorus:
(To the Heroine) You Did It! Hurrah!
(Aside to audience – getting a bit tipsy)
Rumours of tumours,
Bodily humours!
Topping,
Top-notch tumour!
(To the Heroine) Toast,
Here's to you.
Glasses clinking -
Cheers to you.
Consultant Surgeon:
(Aside to audience) Bubbly goes to my head,
(To the Heroine) As malignancies go it's a good one!
Lucky you!
Chorus:
(To the Heroine) We can fix it!
Lucky you!
(Aside to audience) Good health! Zum Wohl! Prost (German, not the surname)!
Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome!
Consultant Surgeon:
(To the Heroine) It has chosen you –
Chorus and Consultant Surgeon:
You have been specially chosen.
Best cancer to have!!!!!!
(zoom in to close-up of Heroine – wide-eyed; then only her eyes)
_ _ _
After the consultant dropped the bombshell, the heroine faces the stark realities of illness and death, and is tempted by thoughts of suicide.
To be or not to be…
She decides to allow her artist self to take over.
See next, Act 7: